If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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