I look better un-naked...
honey bunches of taint.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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