I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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