I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
