sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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