My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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