My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
