dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm passing your future prison.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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