You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
