I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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