WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
