I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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