Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
