I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
