i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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