I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
