Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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