I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
