im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
