I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
