a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
