i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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