If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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