we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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