man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
