So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
