I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
