it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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