There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
