he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
