things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
