I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
