Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You pole danced in your parka.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
