I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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