3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
