theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
