it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
