I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
