well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
