My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
