One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
