so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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