DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
