I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
