he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
