listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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