I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
as a side note pls kill me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
