Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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