Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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