I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
